Becoming a Good Relative

Becoming a Good Relative is a courageous and deeply personal exploration of what it means to live in right relationship in a world shaped by settler colonialism, racial hierarchy, ecological crisis, patriarchy, and wealth inequity. In this intimate and unflinching memoir, Hilary Giovale-a white American settler-turns toward the buried histories of her ancestors and the privileges inherited through whiteness. As she confronts ancestral amnesia, land dispossession, and racial injustice, she embarks on a four-year journey of truth-telling, spiritual inquiry, and reparative action.

Drawing on Indigenous teachings, ancestral memory, philanthropy, dreams, ritual, and diverse networks, Becoming a Good Relative weaves together personal narrative and cultural reflection to ask:

• How can descendants of settlers face historical harm without collapsing into guilt or denial?
• How does decolonization look in lived practice?
• How might we move from extraction and hierarchy toward reciprocity and repair?

Through stories of ancestral healing, cross-cultural relationships, earth-based ceremony, land return, and reparations, Giovale invites readers into a process of transformation that is both personal and collective. With a foreword by Yeye Luisah Teish and closing words by Dr. Lyla June Johnston, this book calls readers-especially those of European descent-to step into discomfort, accountability, and courageous love.

Becoming a Good Relative is not a manual for perfection. It is an offering-a pathway toward solidarity with Indigenous and African American communities, racial healing, and a collective future that is rooted in relational belonging. For readers of Robin Wall Kimmerer, adrienne maree brown, Resmaa Menakem, Patty Krawec, Edgar Villanueva, Lynne Twist, Sherry Mitchell, Amanda K Gross, Basil Brave Heart, Alexis Bunten, Louise Dunlap, Annette McGivney, Sarah Augustine, and Nina Simons, this book offers a heartfelt and grounded invitation to re-member who we are-and who we might yet become.

Winner, National Indie Excellence Awards, 2025

Bronze Medal Winner, Independent Publisher Book Awards, 2025

Finalist, Next Generation Indie Book Awards, 2025

Longlisted, Mind and Spirit Awards for Enlightening Non-Fiction, Chanticleer Book Reviews, 2024

Longlisted, Hearten Book Awards for Uplifting and Inspiring Non-Fiction, Chanticleer Book Reviews, 2024